


"Your smile is not as bright as it used to be."

by markonasurface (idwir)



Series: 50 Quote Prompts [8]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Miscarriage, because dan and kevin are basically siblings, matt and kevin are friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 12:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14671404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idwir/pseuds/markonasurface





	"Your smile is not as bright as it used to be."

“Hey.”

It was just one word but it felt like the weight of the world crashing down on her shoulders. The weight of her world.

“Dan.”

It was a plea. Simple. Not simple at all.

She stared straight ahead out the windshield and blinked. Once. Twice. Then she turned to her husband, a smile on her face.

“Welcome home, honey.” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

“Dan,” he said it again. Frustrated. Accusing.

She placed her hands on his cheeks and wrinkled her nose playfully. “Matt.” She kissed his chin. “Let’s go. I can’t wait to sleep in our own bed.”

Before he could say another word she opened her door and got out. She walked up the pathway to their front door. After unlocking the doorknob, she stuck her key into the top keyhole and turned.

“I thought we locked this.” Dan frowned back at Matt.

“We were in a hurry,” he reminded her.

They pushed open their front door and the lights flipped on. “Surprise!”

Matt put his hands on Dan’s shoulders and kissed the back of her head. He kept his face pressed to her hair, perhaps to give himself a moment she so desperately needed herself. Their friends were blowing whistles and horns and surrounding them.

“What?” Dan looked from face to face. “How’d you get in here?”

Allison fixed her with a look. “One, half of your teammates from college know how to pick locks. Two, you gave Neil a key.”

Dan forced a laugh that hurt her throat. “What are you all doing here though?”

“Did you think we’d miss your thirtieth birthday?” Randy Boyd wrapped her in a hug. “Matt told us he was taking you on a trip but that you’d be back for your birthday.”

“Oh.” Dan turned to Matt, confused.

His eyes said, ‘I’ll tell you later.’

He hugged his mom tightly. He needed the comfort her embrace brought him. When he finally pulled away, she cupped his face between her palms. “How are you?”

“Good.”

The look on her face said she didn’t believe him but she let it go.

“Neil!” Matt hugged him. His cheerfulness sounded as forced as Dan’s laugh. “Hey.”

“Is this okay?” Neil asked, unsure.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Matt told him even though he himself was unsure. “We love birthday parties.”

Neil studied his face. “Is everything else okay?” He lowered his voice. “You and Dan both seem a little off.”

Matt’s heart skipped a beat. It startled Matt; he thought he had left his heart at the hospital. “Uh, yeah, yeah. Just tired. Jetlag.”

“Okay.” Neil squeezed his shoulder.

Dan pressed herself to Matt’s side and didn’t even try to attempt to smile at Neil. “Randy said you planned this. Thank you.”

He studied the couple and said, “I shouldn’t have done this without checking. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Matt said. “It was super thoughtful. We just need a minute is all. We’re going to go freshen up and we’ll be back.”

He grabbed Dan’s hand and pulled her up the stairs. He locked the bathroom door behind them.

“Dan.”

She put a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. It was all too much. It was overwhelming her and now everything hurt. Tears streamed down her face and she tried to smother her sobs.

Matt sat next to her where she’d sunk to the bathroom tiles and wrapped his arms around her. “Dan.” He was crying, too. He’d lost something, too, and he couldn’t stand to see his wife in so much pain.

“I can’t,” she cried, trying to be quiet.

“I know,” he said. “You shower and I’ll send everyone away.”

“They worked so hard.”

Matt wiped his face on his shirt. “Neil will understand. I’ll tell him you’re sick.” He rubbed her arms. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed the top of her head and stood. He turned on the shower and went to wash his face in the sink. Then he went to face their friends.

* * *

“Sorry, I have to work late,” Dan told Matt.

He sighed. They weren’t home at the same time often but when they were, Dan usually canceled their plans. “I’m only home for tonight, then I have to fly to New York.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Dan sounded preoccupied. There was a pause and her voice was muffled.

Matt picked at some lint on the tablecloth.

“Sorry, Matt. That was one of the girls. She needs to talk.”

Before he could say goodbye, she’d hung up. “Love you,” he whispered to the empty air.

He blew out the candles and started cleaning up. When he’d finished putting everything away, he picked up his phone.

“Hey, Kevin,” Matt said. “Your offer still good on kicking my ass tonight?”

Matt headed over to the nearby court. Kevin and he stretched and warmed up in silence.

Then Kevin asked, “Dan canceled on your birthday?”

He shrugged. Kevin raised his eyebrows, not really one to press personal subjects. Matt threw the ball at the wall and Kevin caught it.

“I can’t remember the last time we had dinner together,” Matt confessed. “I bet she said more to you on father’s day at Wymack’s than she has in the last three months to me.”

“She seemed a little off,” he told him and bounced the ball back to him. “Like, she talked a lot but not about anything important.”

“Yeah, that’s what she does. She’s been avoiding.”

Kevin frowned, resting the butt of his racquet on the toe of his shoe. “Are you guys okay?”

“She had a miscarriage a few days before her birthday, you know,” he said. Of course Kevin knew; everyone knew. Matt had announced her pregnancy on Twitter and then less than two months later had to announce her miscarriage. “She chose to deliver naturally instead of having the D&E. The doctor said it could bring closure or whatever but I think it’s just made it worse.”

Matt threw the ball extra hard, frustrated. Kevin didn’t bother to catch it.

“She’s always working. She has this false cheer, but I can see right through it,” Matt continued, hands falling to his sides. “I know her, man. I’ve been with her for over a decade, and I know her, but I don’t know how to fix her.

“I just feel so useless. I want to help but I don’t know how.”

Kevin was studying him. He said, “She’ll come to you when she’s ready. It’s Dan. She just needs to do things her way.”

* * *

When he got home, he was surprised to see Dan in their bed. He removed his shirt, then crawled under the blankets on his side.

He wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her to him. He kissed her curly hair and whispered, “I love you. You’re the strongest woman I know.”

Then he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

Four months passed, much the same. Matt traveled with his professional team and Dan put coaching first. Finally Matt got a break long enough to be home for more than a few days at a time.

“I was thinking,” he said. “Maybe we could go on a trip for Christmas.”

Dan barely looked up from the dish she was washing. “I thought we were going to Neil and Andrew’s.”

Matt shrugged. “I don’t think they’d care if we canceled.”

“It’d be rude.”

And that was that.

It was a few days later that Matt woke up to find Dan peering at her phone in the dark. He turned his head and saw the moon still high in the sky. Then he rolled over and said, “Dan?”

Her eyes flicked over to him and she said, “Hey.”

She put her phone down and rolled over to face him. It took a second for his eyes to adjust without her phone light and to blink away the white spots in his vision.

“I love you, Dan,” he whispered, putting his hand on her hip.

She smiled and his heart hurt. He touched two fingers to the corner of her mouth. “Your smile is not as bright as it used to be,” he said before he could stop himself. He blamed his sleepy brain and the late - early? - hour, but it was true. It didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Dan frowned, but she didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry.”

Matt was confused. “Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Kevin’s publicist announced that Thea gave birth at 1:43 this morning,” she said. Matt didn’t know what to say. “And Allison is going to give birth in a couple of months. And Wymack mentioned the other day on the phone that Katelyn is pregnant. And we should have a baby turning two months old on Saturday but we don’t.”

Matt was afraid to breathe, scared that if he moved Dan would shut down again and go on pretending. She scrunched up her face and her voice cracked when she said, “And it hurts. Every day. I can’t stop thinking about the baby we were going to have.”

“Hey,” he said, pulling her closer so she could lean against him. “I know. It hurts so bad, Dan, but you don’t have to be alone with it. I’m here.” Both of his arms squeezed her tight.

“It hurts to look at you, too,” she sobbed and it was like a punch to the gut. “Because I feel like I failed you.”

“No, Dan, no,” he rushed to say. “You didn’t fail me. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you did or didn’t do to cause this. You’re amazing. I love you. One day, we’re going to have a kid or two or three and they’re all going to feel the same way I do. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met and you’re going to be the most incredible mother when it happens. I know it.”

Dan didn’t say anything for the rest of the night, but Matt got a text from Neil saying he hopes they feel better and that maybe he’ll see them on New Year’s Eve. And over the course of the next few months Matt realized Dan hadn’t canceled on him once.


End file.
